Meaning Of Loaf

       Taking the easy road through life

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

When you've gotta sleep...

It's been a while since I've had a list on the blog, and given the lack of sleep I've had this week, due to not being able to lay on back for fear of sticking my tattoo scab to the sheets, it's time for:

5 Unlikeliest Places I've Ever Slept

1. The boot of my car
After a night out at the pub, and walking home, I discovered that I'd picked up my keys, but forgot that I'd taken the house key off the ring earlier that day. As I didn't think the neighbours who have my spare key would appreciate the wake up at just after midnight, the boot of the car seemed the most spacious and accommodating place to catch a few hours sleep, and with a 5 inch sponge as a pillow, this was my bed for the night.

2. A chimney
A party at a friends house ended up with everyone sleeping on the floor pretty much where they fell, and although I don't remember climbing into the disused fireplace as I went to sleep, I did wake up, half sitting up in the fireplace with my head in the chimney. I suspect my friends may have had something to do with this.

3. The toilet at my parents
In my younger days while still living with my parents, I would head out to the pub of an evening, and stagger home around midnight (how they put up with this I'll never know). And on one such occasion, the usual standing for the toilet seemed just too much effort, and so decided to take the seat. The next thing I remember is being woken up the next morning by my parents, and with an imprint of the seat that lasted most of the day.

4. A kebab
No night out to the pub would be complete without the Donner kebab on the way home, and I managed to convince my wife that this would be the perfect thing to get one night. I didn't make a start on it until we got home, and she decided to have a shower while I played guess the meat with the kebab. By the time she returned from the shower I was fast asleep, with my face resting comfortably in the kebab. On the bed. On her pillow. Ok, maybe I'm starting to see why we separated.

5. The climbing frame at the local park
The route home from the pub regularly took us through the kids park, and of course, no drunk can resist a park. This particular one had a large frame with a rope grid hanging between it, which to us seemed like a giant, multi-person hammock. On more than one occasion we'd wake up to find ourselves dangling from this giant spider web.

So, while I must admit the most of the stories did in someway involve alcohol, I really can sleep pretty much anywhere. Just hope I can manage a good nights sleep tonight!


  • WOW, impressive list, you shamed me. The question i have, which one is most recent and.. how long ago was that - last Saturday or what? :)

    By Blogger darci ann, at 7:28 pm  

  • Ashamed to say the kebab was probably the most recent, although it was about 2 years ago.

    These days I seem to have developed a much better homing instinct and usually make it to bed before collapsing. Also, where I live now, there's no kebab van on the route home. Probably for the best!

    By Blogger Matt, at 8:25 pm  

  • Hilarious. We are definitely going to have fun when you visit Chicago.

    I think my two best were: on the kitchen rollaway island in a friend of a friend's house. Or the time I slept in some person's front yard in a three piece suit before the police came by and put me in a detox center.

    By Blogger Cherry Ride, at 8:32 pm  

  • I guess you get special treatment for being in a three piece suit. Round here you'd just get chucked in a cell for the night until you sober up!

    By Blogger Matt, at 8:22 am  

  • My recent trip to Italy was during the finals of the FA World Cup. The night that Italy was wining against France, I was out sight seeing in the centre of Rome. Just as the game ended and hordes of celebrating Italians poured out onto the streets, we decided that it would be wise to get back to the hotel. Unfortunately, in their infinite wisdom, the authorities thought that it would be a great night to close down the subway for maintenance (I guess that all of the train drivers called in sick to watch the football.) This left us with either a long walk back to the hotel, or trying to figure out the local bus service. Looking back on it, we wish that we’d just walked!
    Instead of taking us back towards our hotel, the bus driver decided that the city centre was too crowded and would drop us off on the opposite side of town. We were now totally lost, and it was about 11 pm. We tried everything to get back, even sweet talking a friendly policeman, but no one would go back into Rome city centre.
    Eventually we gave up, and tried to sleep on the pavement until morning. I was sat cross legged and my girlfriend with her head in my lap. At about 3 am, another bus finally came and picked us up. Once again, the on going city-wide party diverted the bus. This time even further out of town, with the bus driver abandoning us in the middle of nowhere - literally! It was an empty “park and ride” car park with no other signs of civilisation within sight. Once again we un-successfully tried to get some sleep on the pavement. A couple of hours later a third bus came. We very cautiously got on it and, amazingly, this one actually made it back into the centre of Rome, dropping us off exactly where we’d started! Not trusting the Roman public transport again, we did what we should have done in the first place and walked back to the hotel. We finally got into bed at about 8 am.
    Okay, I guess that doesn’t really count seeing as I never actually got any sleep.

    Sorry for the long post!

    By Anonymous Leano, at 10:28 pm  

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